Foote, Julia A.J.
|New and Unpleasant Revelations.|
My Husband had always treated the subject of heart purity with favor, but now he began to speak against it. He said I as getting more crazy every day, and getting others in the same way, and that if I did not stop he would send me back home or to the crazy house. I questioned him closely respecting the state of his mind, feeling that he had been prejudiced. I did not I did not attempt to contend with him on the danger and fallacy of his notions, but simply asked what his state of grace was, if God should require his soul of him then He gave me no answer until I insisted upon one. Then he said: "Julia, I don't think I can ever believe myself as holy as you think you are."
I then urged him to believe in Christ's holiness, if he had no faith in the power of the blood of Christ to cleanse from all sin. He
"God moves in a mysterious way,
His wonders to perform."
From that time I never beheld my husband's face clear and distinct, as before, the dark shadow being ever present. This caused me not a little anxiety and many prayers. 'Soon after, he accepted an offer to go to sea for six months, leaving me to draw half of his wages. To this arrangement I reluctantly consented, fully realizing how lonely I should be among strangers. Had it not been for dear "Mam" Riley, I could hardly have endured it. Her precept and example taught me to lean more heavily on Christ for support. God gave me these precious words: "Be careful for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God." Truly, God is the great Arbiter of all events, and "because he lives, I shall live also."
The day my husband went on Ship-board was one of close trial and great inward conflicts. It was difficult for me to mark the exact line between disapprobation and Christian forbearance and patient love. How I longed for wisdom to meet everything in a spirit of meekness and fear, that I might not be surprised into evil or hindered from improving all things to the glory of God.
While under this apparent cloud, I took the Bible to my closet, asking Divine aid. As I opened the book, my eyes fell on these words: "For thy Maker is thine husband." I then read the fifty-fourth chapter of Isaiah over and over again. It seemed to me that I had never seen it before. I went forth glorifying God.