|THE OPPOSITE POINT OF VIEW.|
Home is undoubtedly the cornerstone of our beloved Republic. Deep planted in the heart of civilized humanity is the desire for a resting place that may be called by this name, around which may cluster life-long memories. Each member of a family after a place is secured, helps to contribute to the formation of the real and ideal home. Men's and women's desires concerning what shall constitute a home differ largely, sex counting for much, past environment for more. Man desires a place of rest from the cares and vexations of life, where peace and love shall abide, where he shall be greeted by the face of one willing to conform to his wishes and provide for his comfort and convenience--where little ones shall sweeten the struggle for existence and make the future full of bright dreams.
Woman desires to carry into effect the hopes that have grown with her growth, and strengthened with her strength from childhood days until maturity; love has made the path of life blend easily with the task that duty has marked out. Women picture their material home from its outer walls to the last graceful interior
We differ from the accepted opinion. Remembering the environment that surrounds every courtship we must admit that it lends itself readily to deception, but that the parties interested desire to deceive we greatly doubt. The girl and her lover are each placed under the pleasantest circumstances; relieved
Let us believe that the young people do not intend to deceive, but that being happy, it is easy to try to make others happy. Simply having turned to the looking-glass of another's face a smiling countenance, they have been met with a smile. At the close of a successful courtship, comes marriage, the basis of which may be real love, or ambition in its various guises. Many
The conservatives can take the median line with the pendulum at a standstill if they so desire. For several years, every paper or magazine that has fallen into our hands gave some such teaching as this: "The wife must always meet her husband with a smile." She must continue in the present and future married life to do a host of things for his comfort and convenience; the sure fate awaiting her failure to follow this advice being the loss of the husband's affection and the mortification of seeing it transferred to the keeping of a rival. She must stay at home, keep the house clean, prepare food properly and care for her children, or he will frequent the saloon, go out at night and spend his time unwisely at the least. These articles may be written by men or by women, but the
I have seen the inside workings of many homes; I know there are many slatterns, many gossips and poor cooks; many who are untrue to marital vows; but on the whole, according to their means, their opportunities for remaining at home, the irritating circumstances that surround them (and of our women especially), I tempted by two races, they do well. After due deliberation and advisedly I repeat that they (remembering the past dreadful environment of slavery) do well. Man as often as woman gives the keynote to the home) life for the day; whether it shall be one of peace or strife. The wife may fill the house with sweet singing, have the children dressed and ready to give a joyful greeting to the father; the breakfast might be fit to tempt an epicure, and yet the whole be greeted surlily by one who considers wife and home but his rightful convenience. I may not be orthodox, but I venture to
Dear Willie can go out at night, yes, a little while even every night, and not be going to the bad nor failing to do his duty. Now let me tell you an open secret and look about you where you live and see if I am not right. The men that usually stay in at night are domestic in their nature, care little for the welfare or approval of the world at large, are not ambitious, are satisfied with being loved, care nothing for being honored. The men who used when single to kiss the babies, pet the cat, and fail to kick the dog where they visited are the men who remain at home most when married. A man who aspires to social pre-eminence, who is ambitious or who acquires the reputation of being a man of judgement and knowledge, useful as a public man, will be often out at night even against his own desires, on legitimate business. By becoming a member of many organizations it may become necessary for him to spend most of his evenings out, sacrificing his own will to the will of the many. Again, men after working at daily drudgery come home to their families, eat the evening meal, hear the day's doings,
Small means, constant sacrifice for children prevent the replenishment of a fast dwindling wardrobe. Husbands and fathers usually buy what they need at least most mothers and wives will not even do that while
Doing the best she can in all things will be appreciated by a true husband. The one remaining thought unmentioned is temper , the disposition to scold and nag. Now no man desires a scolding, nagging wife, and no child desires such a mother; but saints are rare and I don't believe that history past or present proves that saintly women have in the past or do now gain men's love oftenest or hold it longest . The two women, one white, another colored, that I sorrowed with over recreant husbands, were true, loving wives; one had just saved her small earnings toward buying the husband a birthday present and had unsuspectingly kissed good-bye the partner of his flight. The other clasped more lovingly the hand of the baby boy that most resembled him and only spoke of the facts as occasion required it in business concerning the property he had left behind; both men had found no fault with these wives, treated them kindly up to the last hour when they deserted them forever. Neither sugar nor pickles would be a good diet, but most of us could eat a greater quantity of pepper hash than of sugar after all. I believe that a woman who has a mind and will of her own will become monotonous to a less extent than one so continuously sweet and self-effacing; and I believe history proves it.
It may be humanity or masculinity's total depravity, but I believe more men tire of sweet women than even of scolds, and yet I do not desire to encourage the growth of this obnoxious creature. The desirable partner for a successful, peaceful married life is a woman of well-balanced temperament, who is known among her associates as one not given to what is often called fits of temper, and yet withal possessing a mind of her own. Perhaps my thought is best expressed in this extract from "Whimsicalities of Women" by Mrs. Frank Leslie in the Sunday Press :
"Women's nerves are lightly set; the jar that sets them all in a thrill passes unfelt over the heavier organization of a man; the breeze that to him is only a pleasant stimulus is to her a devastating storm. For here is a truth which I present to the consideration of my sister women, and I assure them that it is the fruit of much observation and study of mankind. A woman's little tempers will in the course of years make an impression upon a man's estimate of her that no after time can undo; while, if she once truly love him, years of bickering or even ill-treatment on his part are wiped away and forgotten by the caresses of his returning love, or by the faltering farewell of his dying breath.
"A woman's resentment of the little offences offered her by the man she loves is like the sand upon the beach, so lightly ruffled, so easily heaved into chasms and mountains, but so sure to be placated by the turn
It is not possessing a temper, but continuous out-bursts of ill-temper that undermine true happiness. The home should be founded on right principles, on morality, Christian living, a due regard to heredity and environment that promise good for the future. With these taken into consideration, backed by love, or even true regard, with each having an abiding sense of duty and a desire to carry out its principles, no marriage so contracted can ever prove a failure.